A Levels are one of the most stressful times of our lives, and the never ending wait to find out your results and whether you got into university is one of the most agonising periods I have endured.
Due to some family issues, my anxiety started to develop during my year 11 exams, but it only came out at times of high pressure and I was able to carry on relatively normally. I still had the voice in my head but it was under control. I very rarely had panic attacks, and considered my anxiety almost too small to label as anxiety.
When it comes to assessments and exams I, since year 11/12, have put myself under immense pressure. I tell myself I can't do things that I usually enjoy - no matter how minimal like watching a film or baking a cake - because 'I can do it after exams'. I tell myself that this is only a short period I'll be under pressure for and the results will be worth it because the prospects I get from those results last longer than the stress.
It wasn't until the night before results day that I realised that I did infact want to go to university. Up until that point the thought of all the work, the debt and being tied down to one subject was extremely daunting. I was alone for the few days prior to and on results day, and I realised that there was nothing else I wanted to do other than go to university. Getting the confirmation that morning was such a euphoric feeling, because I genuinely believed I had done terribly in my exams.
2 weeks before I moved to university I turned 18, I was working most of the time, and when I wasn't working I was packing. I had very little time to meet up with friends or family and get everything together before I moved but I managed it somehow. This meant that by the time I got to university I was already exhausted from working so much, I was obviously petrified of meeting new people as my anxiety had slowly grown over my confident personality that was able to speak to everybody and anybody, and I'd never been to a club or been 'properly' drunk - something that everyone tells you is the best part of university.
I managed to make a few friends, and was very close with my flatmates and a few coursemates, but slowly my anxiety and depression surged. I refused to get any help from my GP or counselling and I allowed myself to hit rock bottom. I wasn't eating or leaving my room and things got bad.
In my refusal to go to my GP I decided to start going out - friends invited me to parties, where I met more and more new people. I was a few months late to the bandwagon but I started to experience what has been my real university experience. I am not at all saying that partying is the best way to do anything - especially under the circumstances that surround mental health. But once I started pushing myself, and making more friends, I started to feel myself again.
Looking back, if I could have easily left university - and at times I was very close to doing so. I started to take better care of myself - doing things I wanted and enjoyed, eating better and getting more exercise (dancing to the cha cha slide every monday night counts as exercise right?).
By the end of my first year I was so ecstatic with my life, I couldn't have asked for anything better.
Now, going into my third year of university, I am struggling again with mental health under different circumstances. It isn't so easy for me to do things in the way of going out with friends and getting exercise due to physical health problems.
So, all of this chat with one message: go and get some help.
Go to the GP, go to counselling (you can get free student counselling, and whilst it isn't always the most prestine help, it is at least help), go to your friends and family and ask their advice. If you don't want to go alone you can get a friend to come with you, you can write a letter to the GP explaining your circumstances if you feel unable to tell them face to face. If you aren't happy with your situation you can change it - and so many better things and happier times are out there for you to have. If you feel like your GP or counsellor hasn't given you the best advice or treatment you can ask for another opinion. You do not have to be stuck. You are not alone. You are wonderful, so make sure you feel it.
Give yourself time, be good to yourself, and enjoy everything. Or make everything enjoyable.
And to everyone that's just recieved their results and are off to university: congratulations. This is the beginning of your life and you will love every single second.
If you struggle with mental health you can always go to mind.org.uk for help, or visit your GP.
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